Welcome Back, Love

It's been awhile. I haven't been blogging much lately. 

Because. 

There's nothing to blog about. Dude, exams aren't really that interesting you know. 

I did really awesomely terrible at Biology if you must know. 

Am in a friend's house now trying not to freak out. 

I kinda am not suppose to be here.

Why? Good question. I have tuition tomorrow. I can't skip according to my parents. So that practically sums up my day. 

Am anxious and paranoid. 

Sleepy too.

#ExpectingTheWorse

xoxo

Cravings

I'm in the midst of studying History. Islam history. & I'm craving for McD and Milo.

So tempting..

Imagine biting into that whole juicy goodness.

The flavour.

The sweet smelling aroma.

I want it so bad. :( 

Someone get it for me? Please? 

#ContinuesStudyingHistoryLikeNoTomorrow

xoxo

Procrastination

I is procrastinating.

It is bad.

Am soon gonna suffer the consequences. 

Addmaths project. Mid-term exams. Biology project. 

I is dead.

Laziness has overcome my body. Thus, I cannot win. I fight the losing battle. (This is just epic crap.)

Can't wait for the holidays. 

I is in need of new purse. 

I is in need of new heels.

I is always in need of new things. 

Need.To.Go.Shopping. *sighs*

Stumbled on this picture & it brought back memories. :)

#DyingInMyAwesomeEpicFailure

xoxo

Falling Apart

My dog died. 

It took me awhile to get this sentence out. This three dreaded words. 

The first few days of her death was horrible. Literally horrible. 

I cried at home. In my room. In school. In the classroom.

Yea' it was really really bad.

She died on the 11th of April. Slightly a week ago. It was a Wednesday.

I went back hometown to visit my sick grandpa.

She was already quite sick at that time, coughing, wheezing, everything. I didn't pay attention to her as usual. I thought it was normal, it didn't matter, she was like that often. 

When I came back the next day I saw her on the ground. Lying ever so still. I was in the car then. My dad was the first to noticed. He said: "Your dog's dead. She's not moving." I laughed really loud back then. I wasn't gonna fall for it. My dad was just pulling my leg. But that was before I came out of the car. My dad open the front gate and I walked closer to my dog whom I thought wasn't dead, all the while calling her name. "Melody! Darling! Darling! DARLING.." She didn't move neither did she get up. Her back was facing me so I couldn't see properly. She was lying in her pile of waste. Houseflies surrounded her. She was dirty, smelly and yucky. Yet she didn't move. Not a bit. I panicked. I ran the other way around the parked car, my mom's car was parked inside the house, to see clearly. And I did see clearly.

I saw her. 

Her white big eyes, opened. 

Cautiously I moved forward not believing my eyes. Her limbs were stiff. Suddenly it just clicked. She was dead. She really was dead. It wasn't a joke anymore. Nothing was. My hands went cold. My heart stopped. I didn't know what to feel. The only thing I wanted to do was cry. 

Slowly I dragged my ragged form into my room. Threw myself on the bed and the tears started pouring automatically. It hurt alot. Honestly.. 

When I thought I was okay more tears came. Memories, flashbacks.. 

The times she sat by my piano to watch me play it. The times she curled up by my side to let me pet her. The times she played fetch with me. 

Now it's just gone. No more. 

No more calling her 'Fat pig'. No more 'Retard dog'. No more.. 

I miss her. Until now.. 

I thought I've gotten over it. But I guess not.. 

Am crying all over again. 

I want my dog back. 

'No more pictures please!'

'What ya gonna do with me' look. :P

Sexy Ass <3

#MissingHerLikeThere'sNoTomorrow

xoxo

I CAN BE A MOM

I can cook dude. Like seriously. 

I've been cooking instant noodles for myself this past week. 

And just today, I fried myself an egg. 

AN EGG.

It didn't look as good as this, it was more retarded but whatever. 

A huge achievement for someone like me who hardly ever steps in the kitchen.

I'm so proud of myself. :) :)

Although the egg kinda lack a whee bit more of oil, I was still happy that I didn't burn it. 

I worried it might turn black the instant I put it into the pan. So yea..

Am proud. 

Haha.

My future daughter is so blessed to have me as her mother. <3 

#EnjoyingLifeToItsFullest

P.s. Easter's coming soon. Good Friday's tomorrow.

xoxo

Cross Country meets Drama

It's the 23rd of March. 

Merentas Desa, cross country. A 4km run for the girls.

Considered a short path but painful.

Since I hardly ever work out. I'm super darn lazy. I can just sit in one corner and rot. I'm not joking.

This is my final year running a cross country race. 

It was.. funny. A strange experience. 

Well, it started off well. 

I was okay at 7:30 in the morning. Really fine. Not nervous. Happy. 

Then came 8:00a.m.. I started getting nervous. I started drinking more water, no idea why I did that but I did. It was a bad decision I came to find out later. 

8:30a.m. arrived and I wonder when they were starting. Beads of sweat trailed the sides of my sun-blocked face. ( I was told later I look like a ghost. The sunscreen lotion was too white. )

8:45a.m. They made us do warm ups. 

9:00a.m. The race began.

So as I was saying.. I drank lots of water. So.. After you drink too much water what's the next thing you wanna do? Pee, obviously. And that's why I regretted it. I wanted to pee the whole time I was running, and walking. Ha ha. Funny right? 

The worse part was that I got myself a blister behind my heel. Some luck. Was forced to walk/limp/jog through the next 2.5km left. 

The skin behind my heel was peeling when I reached the end but I'm grateful. Got myself 21st place. Not bad for an amateur.Was aiming for top 20 but missed by one spot. Oh wells.. 

Oh yea, and Red House came in last again this year. Blue house took the title. 

Take 1 

Take 2 

Take 3 & a half.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I joined this drama competition.

Our class did. It wasn't my idea. 

 

I'm playing lead. Or half lead.

And we're almost screwed up.

Competition is in 3days time -in Taman Sea- and we still haven't got our lines right. Especially since I'm the one talking the most.

Yasmin and Wei Ni wrote the script.

Somehow I became the tomboy who always scolds people and bashes people up because they're mean to me.

Other people aren't turning up for practices and it pisses everyone(those who come) off. 

I'm tired. 

Need to rest.

#StressingAboutTomorrow

xoxo

Growing Up

I stumbled upon a memory. A memory of me as a kid. 

I was as innocent as the breeze. As carefree as a bird. As lively as.. 

You get the point. 

Ahh.. That was me, a while back. 

I remembered I used to say: "I don't give a damn about what other people think. I'm just gonna grow up with my own speed. I don't care about how immature I am as long as I feel good about myself." 

Well, that's not true. 

You can't do that. 

Not in this world.

If you think you can, you're just lying to yourself. 

At 17, you're forced to think about your future. Your career. Your life ahead of you. Where to further your studies, how? What course? Which college & after that what uni? 

You start thinking about all the possibilities. 

You think of death. (Not always, but once in awhile. Say you haven't and I'll call you a liar.) 

You can't simply just go around all childish-ly and expect the world to treat you kind. Life ain't no cheerful rainbow. 

The fact is, you need to grow up. 

It's the cycle of life. 

You can't keep hiding or shunning away from it like a coward. You'll eventually have to face it one day or another. 

Honestly, there are times when I feel that my friends have it too easy. 

What being childish. Hell, they don't even care. They giggle like kids, smile like kids, even the topics discussed are mostly childish. 

I dare not tell them in fear that they might call me "high & mighty" and say stuff like "oh she thinks she's so mature now eh.." 

I prefer less problems than more. 

My grandfather's accident was a wake up call. 

Will be visiting him this Saturday. Might miss church again. 

#NeedToGrowUpSoon

xoxo